A darker side of me

It’s amazing sometimes how I can be inspired by films. Really, I watched a film the other day on tv. On Thursday night actually, featuring Johny Depp and Leonardo, the golden boy. Both are really great actors and I have to admit that I’m slowly becoming a fan of Mr. Depp. Really, isn’t it amazing how this guy can incarnate into any characters. I mean, he’s played the sort-of good Frankenstein in Edward Scissorhand, the older bro of a handicapped boy and the son of an ill woman in SSSSSSS and to cap it all, a pirate in the Pirates of the Caribbean.

Anyway, after I watched this film on Thursday, I entered one of my various moods (they tend to shift rather easily these days); namely my reflective mood. Having watched this film made me think about my life in general and for the first time in my life, it made me reflect upon the meaning of life.

“Why are we on Earth? What are we suppose to do??

“Oh no! Not those usual teenager’s blah bla.?

“No, really. Have we been put on this Earth only to learn, get a job and have a paycheck??

“Well, actually the scientific reason for our existence is to reproduce and assure that humans continue to spread.?

“Have sex to increase the already-existing problem of over-population. Disaster!?

“I give up!?

After I watched these films, I can open up completely. I can open my, what I like to call, ‘dark side.’ It isn’t actually the bad side of me but it’s the creepy, mysterious and locked side of me. That’s the part of me which opens up when I write poetry and when I text my special somebody in the middle of the night. That’s the part of me which can engage itself in taboo topics.

When I’m among people in the real society – not virtual one – I’m pretty introvert and like most elders from a family of 3 sons, I tend to slowly open up to only a selected few. In the virtual world, I’m extrovert. I can approach anybody, conduct interviews, via email or IM, with astromers, and even write my own personal life in a blog. When I started to become a nerd (internet geek), I thought that I had a dual personality: my real-life personality and my virtual-life personality. But nowadays I’m thinking twice. Because I’m not too sure whether I have a dual or triple personality. Ok, my dark side is a subset of my real-life personality but it is still so different from it also. I am not a poet in real-life. Or am I?

I am getting all confused about stuff which probably doesn’t mean anything. I suppose that’s the problem with all teens. And that’s the thing: when some of my friends started to be like… entangled in their world of personal problems, I thought that, well, I’m not like this. Funny, how those people complicate their life.

And now, look what’s up! The quagmire of life is upon me, the guy who sometimes feels like he’s all alone in the world, although he’s not. And these reflections about life and all are nothing but the side-effects of my dark side’s control on me. And this very rarely happens.

After having written these 560 words or so about my dark side, I realise that maybe this dark side is probably only this weird part of all teenagers. It’s just that part of a teenager which asks questions about things that may not bother. In fact this side is the part adults see when they look at us, teens. It’s more than the rebel part of immature teens but alike the full-of-problem part.

And if one gets too much absorbed in it, then there’s depression. I’ll have to shut this side off.


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What’s up in my life?

1. Best friends: I love you people.
2. My own company: sky media
3. Science is so very cool
4. 6 month sabbatical.



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